Oh No! All This Stuff Has Got To Go
How to Clear Out Your Loved One's Home
T is my friend — my "sister in dementia drama" — who five years ago found herself solely responsible for moving her Grandmother out of her home and into assisted living. We were chatting recently, and she relayed a conversation between two women she overheard while waiting for friends to join her at a restaurant. Something one of them said caught her ear and it was all she could do not to interject.
"Oh man, I need to get my parents' house cleaned out and ready to sell ... and I don't know where to begin!"
Eeeesh. It was all T could do not to lean in and yell "Friend, I feel you!". As my friend and I both know, moving your parents or an aging loved one out of their home can be tough. But doing so with little or no warning? Nightmare.
In my friend T's situation, her Grandmother had lived in her home for years and her physical health had quickly deteriorated to the point she could no longer live alone. Convincing Grandma that was a no-go, so her move to assisted living was abrupt. All of this left T with the unenviable job of clearing out her home and getting it ready to sell as quickly as possible. If your parent, grandparent or other loved one has been in their current home for any amount of time, there will likely be quite a bit of "stuff" for you to go through before making any sort of move. Depending on their physical and mental health, they may not be up for the task — especially true if they are also suffering from dementia.
My situation was urgent: my parents had to move into long-term health and memory care, STAT.
In my parents' case, we literally had to move fast as they needed the proceeds from the sale of their home to fund their long-term care. As an only child, the task of getting their house cleared out and ready for sale fell to me alone. Now, I realize most of you likely have siblings to help, but I've learned by talking to others that the lion's share of managing a move like this often lands on one of the "kids."
Whether you’re going at it alone or with the help of family and friends, here are a few tips that can help ease the burden of sorting through stuff, stuff and more stuff:
1. If there's no one to help, consider hiring a move manager.
For me, hiring a professional to manage every aspect of the move, from sorting to packing to sale/thrift/toss/haul off, was one of the smartest moves I made. My downsizing expert swooped in and helped me tackle an overwhelming task with compassion and vigor. Since she was not emotionally attached to the situation or the things, it was easy for her to stay focused and work quickly while keeping me on track. I literally could not have accomplished this feat without her.
2. Sort it all out.
When you're staring down a household of belongings, it's hard to know where to begin. My advice? Start with sorting. First, take a look at the large items you can sell or donate that could be moved to a garage or other area to allow for room to start sorting. Old sofas, chairs, end and coffee tables, dining room sets, etc. ... if it can go to the garage or other area, move it so you have more room to work. If that's not an option, move things around so you have a central area in each room for sorting smaller items. Then it's time to get to work. Start by sorting items into four piles — for me, these were Keep, Sell, Thrift and Toss.
Keep: These are things that have sentimental value to you or your siblings, children or other family members and friends. This category often includes keepsakes and personal items like jewelry: mine included never before seen items like jewelry belonging to my grandmother, old family photos of extended family dating back to the early 1900s, my Dad's collection of classical and opera record albums, vintage barware, my Mom's school yearbooks and my Granddad's antique toy cannon that still fires a real charge (can you imagine?).
Sell. This category can include items of value like artwork, collectibles, furniture, antiques, higher-end clothing, jewelry and household items that can be sold through an auction, estate sale, garage sale or Facebook Marketplace.
Thrift and Recycle. Think items that are likely not "sellable" but may be of value to others looking for a bargain, like clothing, furniture, small household items, decor, table linens, etc. I'm including recycle here because if you encounter stacks of magazines, newspaper or glass bottles that don't have any resale value, recycle what you can to keep items out of the landfill.
Trash. This is the obvious (almost spent rolls of gift wrap or expired canned goods, anyone?) and the not-so-obvious (multiple copies of recent photos, Dad's collection of paperwork from his work projects from 1975-1995).
Beyond sorting and organizing all my parents’ "stuff" so I could decide what to keep, thrift, trash or sell, my move manager was able to pull in the professionals I needed to get the house cleared out. But if you're handling this yourself or with loved ones, here are a few you might want to contact:
An estate sale or auction company. Caution: Do your homework before hiring! Ask your friends and neighbors, or get on the social media pages of nearby neighborhood associations or groups and ask "Can anyone recommend a reputable estate sale company?".
A professional junk hauler. Ours embraced "one man's trash is another man's treasure" and rehomed a few things from the trash pile before hauling the rest away, which made the load — and my heart — a bit lighter.
A larger thrift store. My move manager found an organization that operated a large charity-benefitting thrift store. This group came to my parents' home, looked through the items marked for donation, then took what they wanted away for resale to benefit their designated charity. (In my case this was a LOT of stuff, including a wide assortment of furniture, clothing and household items.) You can also search online for a local charity that will pick up items from your loved one's home at no charge.
A moving company. You’ll likely need some help relocating what you’ve decided to keep to where you need them to go. This could be your loved one’s new residence, a rental storage unit, or even your own home. My move manager coordinated the move as well, so I didn't have to worry about those details. All I had to do was show up on moving day.
How long does it take to clear out your loved one's home?
All told, the entire sorting process took me around two months, which was a miracle when I look back on it given the size of my parents' home and the amount of stuff IN it. Having a pro to light the way not only made the process manageable, but it also allowed me to focus on my business here and there amid the crisis. And I mean "crisis" because it was my parents' simultaneous health situations that forced the emergency move in the first place — you can read about that here.
I'm done! Except now MY house is filled with their stuff...
The treasures and keepsakes and "look at it later" stuff I unearthed in my folks' basement was packed and eventually schlepped to my home. Our finished basement was piled with boxes and bins for what felt like forever, because I was re-sorting into my own "keep" and "toss" piles. Forcing myself to go through all these things a second time to reclaim our home was exhausting and yet another emotional rollercoaster. But along the way, I discovered items that lightened my heart and the burden alike:
My grandmother's scrapbook documenting my mom's childhood, my grandfather's photo diary of a road trip to California in 1930 complete with images of him in a zoot suit next to a Ford Model T, and a pair of my mother's Geta (traditional Japanese sandals) dating back to her time living with her parents in Japan, circa 1949.
Dig out, dig through, get it done.
If you're lucky enough to have a loved one who knows it is nearing time to move and is willing to start making plans sooner than later, then 1) I am so happy for you! and 2) why are you still sitting here reading! Get (them) moving, already. Just remember to breathe throughout the process, be patient with your loved one and remember that moving is hard and it's even harder if you don't really want to. Or if you have 20, 30, 50 or more years of stuff to go through. So, make a plan, gather your helpers, follow my tips, hire a pro or two, and plow through it. Everyone will be glad you did. And who knows? You may even find a photo of your Grandpa in a zoot suit.